Okay, I read it. I read one of the most popular memoirs of our decade: I’m Glad My Mother Died By Jennette McCurdy. I’ll dive into the verdict right now. I loved this book. Despite all the criticisms (some of them just but we’ll get into that in a moment), this has been one of my most entertaining and important reads this year.
Synopsis
In this memoir, Jennette McCurdy relays her life as a child forced by her mother into a career of acting since she was 8-years-old. Between continuous auditions, classes, call-backs, rejections she is caged in her mother’s obsessive grasp, from showering her until 16, dictating what she wears, what she says and most devastatingly introducing her to calorie restriction from the tender age of 11. With a conversational and off-coloured humour the memoir describes key moments in McCurdy’s life from her first casting as an almost-principle actor, to doctor’s appointments, failed but eye-opening relationships, to moving away from home, to her alcohol abuse and eating disorders…all of which are tethered to the mental and emotional hold to her mother.
Thoughts
The general commentary I’m hearing is that it’s a worth-while read but the writing is poor. Look. This is granted to a certain extent. The descriptors are often unimaginative: “it was nice” (deep sigh…), the unnecessary profanity as she steps into adolescence (sniffle…), the five hundred times she says, “I know I’ve become bitter” (girl, either you find a new way to say this or you leave it alone). And these are just a few examples. However…these are easy to look past because she killed it with characterization, she aced reader-writer engagement, progression was stunningly paced– controlled but not dragged, fast but not undetailed or lacking. I could just here her voice when reading it. She wrote how she spoke and I think this is key. It’s uncontrived, unpretentious. As she says to her interior designer, “I don’t know what I want, but I want it to be simple.” You can tell she’s consistent. So yes. This book is absolutely worthwhile.
“I don’t want to act anymore.”
-Jeanette Mccormac
“Don’t be silly. You love acting. It’s your favourite thing in the world,” Mom says in a way that makes it sound like a threat.
A few things I learnt from this memoir:
1. Deal with your issues before being a parent.
You owe your child that much. This book opened my eyes to the destructive impact of parents with unaddressed issues. How I see it, is that Jeanette’s mom wanted to live through her child. She imposed dreams that were hers onto an 8 year old with barely the vocabulary to object. I understand that parents want to give their children everything they didn’t have but that can’t include giving your kids your own identity. That’s something they need to determine for themselves and Jeanette was stripped from choice. It results in self-doubt and an inability to defend their thoughts or opinions or even to have their own. They become push-overs and perfectionists in favour of other people’s needs and wants. Jeanette’s story isn’t just her own. I know that it’s so many adults and children out there as a result of selfish parenting.
2. The hardest battles are silent.
It has stuck with me, how McCurdy described her eating disorders: like she is having two conversations at once. The one in her head and the one with the person in front of her. But the one in her head is always the loudest. We’re often told not to take things for face-value, to be careful and sensitive toward others because we have no idea what they are going through. It’s a tired saying but this book was a fresh reminder of how important it is. I think eating disorders are one of the hardest and complex illnesses. To engage with this battle in so much depth put a lot of things into perspective for me. We can walk past the most put together person and not have an inkling of a clue that at that very moment they’re in complete fight-my-demons mode.
3. Have the vocabulary to explain emotions
This is one of the most profound aspects of this book. To me, the undercurrent of the narrative is voice. The voice to stand up for yourself. The voice to communicate your wants and your needs. The voice to communicate your anger, your sadness, your disapproval. If you don’t have that, then other people will gladly fill the gap for you. This is why for people who struggle to use they’re voice or use it effectively, I believe in journaling. While it’s not for everyone, I do think journaling is an important way to make sense of how you’re feeling to yourself before anyone else. Therapy also helps people achieve this and I think this is incredible. I’m positive about the generation we live in despite it’s flaws. I appreciate how therapy has become normalized and addressing trauma is becoming as important as exercising every week.
Hence, I stand by it. This book is important and it’s flaws can be overlooked. I recommend it to anyone struggling with addiction, trauma or abuse and to anyone who wants to understand these issues.
Thank you so much for reading my blog! Please recommend any books or memoirs you think I should read. Comment down below.
Discussion Questions
- Do you think the laws on child labour are fair in certain parts of of the world?
- What unsettled you most about this memoir?
- Are there other psychological disorders that you think deserve more attention?
- How do you think psychological disorders are treated in South Africa?
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